Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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