if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
