Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
