Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
