"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
