Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dear god my vagina.
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