He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
