A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He has the fingertips of a God
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