I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
