One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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