Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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