I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
