Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
