My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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