Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
