he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
