May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
