i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
