Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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