i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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