But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
