so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
