Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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