I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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