Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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