he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
