I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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