i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
