I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
