Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
