Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
