Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
birth control should be required to get into college
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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