ugly people sure do ruin things
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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