dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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