Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
