my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
