I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
