Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
