you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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