I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
