**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
