wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
