jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
