How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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