may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
