How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
