I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
