I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
