I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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