I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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