for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
